you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
