he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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