I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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