There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
