I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
