i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
