Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize