New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
