how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
