i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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