6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
