friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
