sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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