If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
