whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
