there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
