I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
