I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't deserve a penis
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
