i think my tv is drunk
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
