dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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