hell yes lets make some ravioli
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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