all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize