Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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