I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
