guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
