you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
