it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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