Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
