u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
