Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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