i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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