Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
