well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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