drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
