also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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