sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
