You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize