Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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