So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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