I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
