she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
