dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
PANTIES FOUND
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