Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
