i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The feeling are messing with the penis
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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