we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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