Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize