well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
