I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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