Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
