was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
