just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
