Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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