i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize