Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
