I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
