This is not my ceiling
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
