I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
