It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
