3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
