The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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