FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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