8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
