I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
