a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
