he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
