It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
