Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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