ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
