shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
