CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
