i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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