yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
