Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
