I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
