Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
