he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
