Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
