We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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