i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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