Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
