Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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