u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
