Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
