Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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