Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My feet surprised me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
