Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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