yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize