Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
