also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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