Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
