It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
