When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
