you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
