please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
