worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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