It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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