i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
