we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
