Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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