highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
