The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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