Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
