Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
