Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
